The ones being questioned: Luo Binghe x Shen Qingqiu
The one asking the questions: Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky
The one supplying the questions: System
Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s system had issued a mission.
It was a strange questionnaire.
You couldn’t tell what exactly the questionnaire was investigating. The further along you went, the more unbearable it became to look at the questions.
However, regardless of how unbearable it was to look at, he still had to collect some points right?!
Abandoning (there originally wasn’t much left anyway) his dignity, after pleading with Shen DaDa, Shen Qingqiu finally reluctantly agreed to bring along the pet that he had raised, ah no, the disciple that he had raised to complete this questionnaire.
(T/N: DaDa basically is an equivalent of -sama. In the original airplane didn’t use pet but he did use a word that’s used to refer to animals or objects and due to differences in the syntax of the 2 languages, I had to use the word pet otherwise I wouldn’t have a clue how to rephrase the sentence.)
Consequently, the following was the live rendition of Airplane’s interview.
Shang Qinghua: “May I ask what your name is?”
Luo Binghe had just sat down when he heard this question. He raised an eyebrow and said with displeasure: “If you don’t even know my name, then what’s the point of this?”
Shang Qinghua: “What is your age?”
……Truthfully speaking, Shen Qingqiu actually didn’t know the definite age of this body. He raised his head and told Shang Qinghua: “Shouldn’t you know that better than I do?”
Shang Qinghua rolled his writing brush and inwardly cried, he hadn’t thought of this topic before either. Might as well write down whatever then. Hence he randomly wrote down a number.
Shang Qinghua: “What is your sexuality?”
Beginning with three retarded questions in a row, Luo Binghe had already felt it beneath him to answer. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t tolerate it anymore either: “We’re mentioned on the Green Wood Pure Love channel, what do you think?”
(T/N: for those pure-minded individuals, green wood = the D, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) you’re welcome)
Shang Qinghua silently crossed out over thirty similar bullshit questions on the questionnaire. He once again asked: “May I ask what your personality is like?”
Shen Qingqiu thought for a moment and said: “It’s ok.”
Luo Binghe: “Don’t know.”
Shang Qinghua: “The other person’s personality?”
Shen Qingqiu named them one by one: “Crybaby, maiden’s heart, love-obsessed mentality, chuunibyou, overly intimate, and sticky.”
Light flickered off the tears in Luo Binghe’s eyes. He seemed a bit hurt from being disliked but he still obediently answered the question: “Shizun’s personality is without a doubt the best. He’s both gentle and powerful and also considerate of others.”
Shen Qingqiu: “……”
What’s going on, he suddenly felt a bit guilty!
He gave two dry coughs before changing his attitude and saying: “Actually, this child’s personality is pretty good. He has an excellent trait that’s especially hard to come by. Quite obedient, that’s enough.”
Rosy circles appeared on Luo Binghe’s cheeks.
Shang Qinghua dryly said: “When did you two meet? Where was it?”
He knew the answer to this question!
Luo Binghe said: “The first time I met Shizun was when I had just passed Cangqiong Mountain Sect’s entrance exam……”
Shen Qingqiu felt uncomfortable about this. The one that Luo Binghe had met at that time wasn’t him, but the original. Moreover, that wasn’t a beautiful memory at all.
He waved his fan and said: “Pass, pass!”
Shang Qinghua: “What was your first impression of the other person?”
Luo Binghe continued to reminisce and lightly said: “An aloof and remote, distant and untouchable immortal.”
Shen Qingqiu told it as it was: “A small bun.” And an ikemen seedling too
Shang Qinhua: “What do you like about the other person?”
Shen Qingqiu said with an amiable expression on his face: “He’s obedient enough.”
Luo Binghe: “I like everything about Shizun.”
Shang Qinghua: “What do you dislike about the other person.”
Luo Binghe firmly said: “Nothing.”
Shen Qingqiu saw how unhesitant he was when he replied and felt a bit touched. It’s proper behaviour to return politeness for politeness, and so he also replied with: “Nothing.”
If he were to actually say what he disliked about him and make him cry in front of outsiders, he’d lose face big time……
Shang Qinghua: “What do you call the other person?”
Luo Binghe found this question dull and turned his head to say: “Shizun, these questions are really boring. What exactly did we come here to do?”
Shen Qingqiu calmly said: “Binghe, be nice. Just go through with it. Think of it as saving your Shang shishu’s life.”
(T/N: shishu = martial uncle)
Shang Qinghua: “What do you wish the other person would call you?”
Luo Binghe’s face reddened.
The moment Shen Qingqiu saw him being this bashful, an uneasy premonition arose in his heart. He waved his hand and said: “Pass! Pass, pass, pass!”
Shang Qinghua seemed to be at a bursting point as he heckled: “What pass! If you pass, pass, pass for every question then what’s there left to ask. Bing ge……shizhi go ahead and say it!”
(T/N: ge = bro; shizi = martial nephew)
Luo Binghe shot an anxious glance at Shen Qingqiu and then softly said: “Like how a married couple normally calls each other.”
Shang Qinghua immediately said: “Shen DaDa, Bing……shizhi wants to hear you call him husband. Did you hear that?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “You shut up.”
Shang Qinghua: “If you were to liken them to an animal, what do you think they would be?”
Luo Binghe instantly replied without a moment’s thought: “A crane from the Forest of Endless Rain.”
(T/N: fairly sure this forest exists in the original novel. Might be translated with a diff name tho)
Shen Qingqiu: “I can’t think of an animal. I can think of a plant though. A black lotus.”
Luo Binghe said in puzzlement: “Shizun, there are also black lotuses?”
(T/N: no, but it does describe u perfectly after u switched to the dark path)
Shang Qinghua: “If you had to send the other person a gift what would you choose? What gift would you want?”
Luo Binghe said: “Shizun only has to say the word and I will offer him anything he wants.”
Shen Qingqiu honestly said: “It seems like there isn’t anything in particular that I want.”
As a Peak Lord, there really wasn’t anything that was too difficult to obtain. Thinking of this point, he experienced the squandering feeling of sitting atop a mountain of gold while guarding it.
(T/N: lol 1st world problems)
Luo Binghe said: “Then I want shizun not to pay attention to anyone and keep me company for three days.”
Shang Qinghua licked the tip of his writing brush and muttered: “Why not just have him keep you company for a lifetime.”
Luo Binghe shook his head and said: “Shizun would be unhappy.”
Seeing him sullen and looking like a resentful wife, Shang Qinghua was stupefied. Shen Qingqiu on the other hand was utterly unperturbed: “You child, you’re thinking foolish things again. There’s no reason why master would be unhappy.”
(T/N: used master here cause sqq used wei shi to refer to himself and i wanted to differentiate from lbh’s normal shizun)
Shang Qinghua: “What stage has your relationship progressed to?”
Shen Qingqiu: “The things that should have been done have been done. The things that shouldn’t have been done have also been done.”
Luo Binghe felt wronged as he said: “Why are there things that shouldn’t have been done? Could it be that Shizun thinks that we……are something that shouldn’t have been done?”
Shen Qingqiu said. “Not at all. If there really is something that shouldn’t be done, master won’t let you do it.”
Shang Qinghua: “Where did the two of you have your first date?”
Luo Binghe: “Huan Hua Palace Water Prison.”
Shang Qinghua: “……”
Shen Qingqiu: “……”
Bing ge you think that was a date?!
Shang Qinghua: “What was your mood at that time?”
Luo Binghe: “Not that good.”
It definitely wasn’t something that could be described with just a “not that good” okay!
Shang Qinghua: “A frequent location for a date is?”
Shen Qingqiu propped his chin up with a hand: “The moment I open my eyes, I see him. The moment I close my eyes, I also see him. Does this count as being on a date every hour of every day?”
(T/N: Bingbing, does Dream Demon know that you’re abusing the arts he taught you like this?! Σ(っ °Д °;)っ））
Luo Binghe cautiously said: “Does Shizun find this bothersome?”
Shen Qingqiu patted his back and said: “Not at all. You’re just overthinking it.”
Shang Qinghua inwardly cried, dating Bing ge, no, Bing mei is so fucking tiring!
This has only been a couple questions and Shen DaDa has already comforted him three times! This glass heart shattering and then being glued back together, just when will this be over!
It’s damn annoying!
(T/N: Bingbing your creator’s given up on you~~~~ Not like you cared in the first place tho ~(￣▽￣)~)
Shen Qingqiu seemed like a kindergarten teacher looking after a kid!
Shang Qinghua: “Which side confessed first?”
Luo Binghe: “Me.”
Shen Qingqiu: “Of course it was him.”
Shang Qinghua: “What does the other person have to do to make you feel like you’re at your wit’s end?”
Shen Qingqiu spread his hands out and helplessly said: “The moment he starts weeping without any sign of stopping, I’ll feel like I’m at the end of my rope.”
Luo Binghe said: “The moment Shizun gets mad, I feel hopeless.”
Shang Qinghua grunted in affirmation and shook his leg. As he recorded, he mentally ridiculed them: “As expected, you’re just like a kindergartener and a kindergarten teacher!
Shang Qinghua: “When the two of you are together what is the thing that makes your pulse race the most?”
Luo Binghe earnestly said: “The times when I get patted on my head and instructed.”
Shen Qingqiu said: “Uh, when his face is streaming with tears while he’s begging me for something I guess.”
Luo Binghe followed up with: “Also the times when I get scolded and hit……”
He had an intoxicated look on his face. Shen Qingqiu seemed to have gotten used to it already.
Shang Qinghua silently added a note next to Luo Binghe’s name: An incurable M.
Shang Qinghua: “Have you ever lied to the other person? Are you good at lying?”
The moment he finished asking this question he confidently wrote, “Proficient Lie Teller” these three words, under Luo Binghe’s name.
Luo Binghe said: “Yes, but never again!”
Shang Qinghua: “Have you ever fought before? What kind of fight was it?”
Shen Qingqiu sighed and said: “We got into quite a violent fight. We fought so much and yet I don’t even know what it was for.”
Luo Binghe indignantly said: “Why are you always asking these questions for? Making Shizun unhappy for no reason.”
Shang Qinghua spread his hands out: “Blame me then.”
Shang Qinghua: “How did you make up afterwards?”
Shen Qingqiu waved his hand and said: “PaPaPa to save the world!”
(T/N: PaPaPa = slang for have sex)
Shang Qinghua : “Is your relationship publicly known or a secret?”
Shen Qingqiu asked back: “Have you heard of Spring Mountain of Regrets?”
(T/N: it’s a ballad about lbh and sqq. Spring in chinese can also mean joy, life, or lust)
The following questions madly rushed towards their bottom line without end the further along they went. Shang Qinghua cleared his throat: “May I ask whether you’re the gong or the shou?”
(T/N: literal meaning gong = to attack; shou = to receive)
Luo Binghe was confused by this: “What do you mean?”
He really didn’t understand while Shen Qingqiu pretended not to understand. He waved his fan and said: “Who knows what he means. Pass, pass, pass.”
Shang Qinghua: “Why did you decide on this?”
Shen Qingqiu mulled over it for a moment: “I don’t know either. It somehow got decided somewhere down the line. Probably……because he looked pitiful?”
Luo Binghe doubtfully said: “I still don’t understand what’s being asked.”
Shen Qingqiu patted his head, then sincerely and earnestly said: “It’s fine if you don’t understand. In any case you’re not losing out on anything.”
Shang Qinghua: “Where did you first have intimate skin on skin contact?”
Shen Qingqiu was just about to reply when Luo Binghe beat him to it and said: “Qing Jing Peak.”
Shen Qingqiu: “Buried……”
Luo Binghe once again rushed to answer: “Qing Jing Peak, Bamboo house.”
Shen Qingqiu thought to himself, alright, Luo Binghe would never admit to such a failure of a first time. If he wants it to be Qing Jing Peak then it’s Qing Jing Peak. There’s no point in arguing over this. Let’s just go along with his answer and forget about correcting it.
Shang Qinghua: “What was your impression at that time?”
Shen Qingqiu didn’t make a sound.
If he were to tell the truth then there would only be three words: “Pain, pain, pain”. Saying that in front of other people would greatly reduce Luo Binghe’s reputation.
Luo Binghe dejectedly said: “Shizun was really good. But I was really useless.”
Shang Qinghua: “On the morning of your first time, what was your first sentence?’
Luo Binghe: “Shizun, breakfast is ready.”
Shen Qingqiu: “Don’t say anything else. First put on your clothes!”
Shang Qinghua: “How many times do you have intercourse each month?”
Shen Qingqiu found this outrageous: “Who has so much time on their hands that they would count this kind of thing? Also, why are the questions constantly progressing towards a very strange direction?”
Luo Binghe seriously said: “Approximately speaking, three days and one night. If shizun is happy then occasionally I’ll be allowed to touch him again after just two days.”
(T/N: ↑ the answer to your question sqq)
Shang Qinghua bit the shaft of his writing bush and then muttered as he recorded the answer: “This isn’t right……based on my settings, there shouldn’t be a problem even if he were to do it nonstop from the start of the month to the end of the month?”
Shang Qinghua: “Generally speaking, the location for your intimate skin on skin contact is?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “He’s obsessed with the Bamboo house.”
Luo Binghe was all smiles as he nodded his head: “Un.”
Shang Qinghua: “Where do you want to attempt [BEEP] at?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “Where do we not do it? There’s no point in changing the location.”
Luo Binghe casually said: “Bai Zhan Peak.”
The area turned dead silent.
Luo Binghe calmly said: “Bai Zhan Peak Practice Field.”
Shen Qingqiu =口=: “……Fuck?!”
Shang Qinghua: Do you not want your life or do you not want your sense of shame?!
Shang Qinghua: “When you [BEEP] is there any kind of arrangement that you two have?”
Luo Binghe: “When it hurts, you definitely have to tell me. Definitely!”
Shen Qingqiu: “No crying!”
Shang Qinghua: “I say, have you two mistaken the meaning of the word “arrangement”?”
Shang Qinghua: “With regards to the way of thinking that even if you can’t obtain their heart, at the very least you still have to obtain their [BEEP], do you approve of it or oppose it?”
Shen Qingqiu disapprovingly said: “A loser……loser’s way of thinking.”
(T/N: bolded was originally chinese spelling of the word loser in pinyin)
Luo Binghe said: “Without their heart, what’s the point of wanting their [BEEP].”
Shang Qinghua felt endlessly saddened by this: Under his writing, Luo Binghe was obviously an exceptional stallion that sought to satiate his bodily lust. The number of girls that he forcefully [BEEP] was definitely in the two digits……
He knew that in this strange world Luo Binghe had become a homosexual but just how did he progressively fall into this state!
Shang Qinghua: “If the other person were to be forcefully [BEEP] by a thug, what would you do?”
This question was too surreal.
Shen Qingqiu was speechless for quite a while before he said: “Who’s so desperate as to forcefully [BEEP] him……”
Even if you want to die, would it be totally out of the question to look for a more sad, beautiful, and overall better looking way to die?
Luo Binghe gathered his sleeves and leisurely said: “Turn him into human swine, throw him into the Endless Abyss, and then think of some other methods to slowly use on him until he dies.”
(T/N: human swine = chinese torture method where the limbs are chopped off, eyes are gouged out, and the tongue is cut out. Damn, no matter the world, LBH is still LBH huh :/)
Shang Qinghua: “If a good friend told you I’m very lonely so just for tonight, please……and requests for intimate skin on skin contact, would you?”
Luo Binghe apathetically said: “I don’t have that kind of honorless friend. I don’t need friends.”
Shen Qingqiu lowered his head and blew the tea leaves in his cup. He drank a mouthful before saying: “I don’t have any either.”
Luo Binghe skeptically said: “Is that so? Liu……shishu wouldn’t do this kind of thing?”
Tea was sprayed all over the floor.
Shang Qinghua came back after changing into clean clothing and continued to ask questions.
“Do you think that you’re good at making love? What about the other person?”
Shen Qingqiu gave a hollow laugh. Luo Binghe had tears in his eyes and looked like he wanted to cry. The moment Shen Qingqiu saw his worry-filled face and painfully dismal appearance that seemed unable to say anything, his heart took pity on him. He turned towards Shang Qinghua and raged: “Why do you have to talk about someone’s sore point? Pass!”
Shang Qinghua picked his ear: “In any case you’re going to blame me anyway.”
Shang Qinghua: “Do you have any interest towards [BEEP] [BEEP]?”
Luo Binghe said: “What’s that? Shizun, why is it that the things I’m unable to understand are increasing in number?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “Oh. He’s asking if you like it when I hit you and yell at you or would you feel something if I were to use a needle to stab you and use fire to burn you.”
Luo Binghe appeared rather bashful as he softly said: “Since it’s something that shizun does, how could disciple not like it.”
Shang Qinhua clearly understood him and began to write: “Luo Binghe is very interested in [BEEP] [BEEP]!”
Shang Qinghua: “During sexual intercourse, what’s something that’s relatively painful for you?”
Luo Binghe: “Too small.”
Shen Qingqiu: “Too big.”
Shang Qinghua inwardly screamed that both the master and disciple were shameless. He wrote down: “Natural understanding!”
Shang Qinghua: “Has there ever been a case where the shou took the initiative to seduce?”
Shen Qingqiu pointed at himself: “Me? Do I look like that kind of person?”
Shang Qinghua mumbled: “Hard to say. Actually, you look pretty straight……”
Shang Qinghua: “Where do you like being kissed by the other person?”
Luo Binghe said: “Forehead, fingers, lips, everywhere.”
Shen Qingqiu helplessly said: “In truth……this child doesn’t know to kiss, only to bite.”
Shang Qinghua: “What pleases the other person the most during [BEEP]?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “Praise him and say that he’s improved?”
Luo Binghe said: “Not crying.”
Shang Qinghua’s writing brush moved like the wind as he absent-mindedly added a sentence: “Shen DaDa’s requirements are very low.”
Shang Qinghua: “At that time what would you think of?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “Who came up with this questionnaire? Do they have any experience? At that time, other than a mental blank what else could you think of!”
Shang Qinghua: “Do you take off the clothes yourself or does the other person help take them off?”
Shen Qingqiu said: “If I were to let him take them off, I wouldn’t have many clothes left that I could wear.”
Luo Binghe explained: “Shizun, at that time how could I control my strength?”
Shang Qinghua: “Approximately how many times in one day?”
Shen Qingqiu felt a headache as he said: “How many times? Who actually counts this?”
Shang Qinghua turned a page and had yet to ask the next question when Luo Binghe, who had long lost his patience, gave a cold smile and said: “If you really want to know, it’ll be enough if I just count today and then tell you later Shang……shishu!”
As expected, Luo Binghe was a man of action. If he said that he was going to count then he was going to count. Shang Qinghua hadn’t registered his words yet when he tugged Shen Qingqiu and said: “Forgive me for not keeping you company!” He kicked the door open and left with a heroic spirit full of power and grandeur. A gale blew into the room and blew the pile of questionnaire answers that he had just written all over the floor.
(T/N: he’d seem even more heroic in my mind if i didn’t know that he was leaving to f***)
The corner of Shang Qinghua’s mouth constantly twitched as he squatted down to pick up a few papers. After a while, he suddenly kneeled.
“Shen DaDa……the mission……still haven’t asked everything……system don’t be so quick to deduct points give me some time aaaahh!”